dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
