he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize