Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
