i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
