Did you just see the Batmobile???
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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