Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
