walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
