Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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