There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
