I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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