didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize