"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
