Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
