I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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