It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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