So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
