Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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