We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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