my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
