Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Small penises have feelings too.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
