Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
