just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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