The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
