All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He shit in the fireplace
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize