On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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