apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
