My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
