we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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