i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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