If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
