I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
