He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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