if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
