You really coming over, don't trick.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
