I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
now i know why i became what i already was.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
