She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
