As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
When did angry sex become our thing?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
