Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
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