He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
