are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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