She is in my trunk
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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