My room smells like vodka and shame
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
