if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
