tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
