I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
