all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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