My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We're too hungover to prance.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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