I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
