hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
