Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
