I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
