This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
