You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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