thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Randomize
