i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
