he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
