you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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