i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
