hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
