You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Who did Billy Mays play for?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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