We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
