Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
