i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
