OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
